I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
