so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
