Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
