I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
