I am puke
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
