Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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