I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
