Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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