She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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