It's Friday. Sex?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
