Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
