glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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