Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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