people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
