my phone needs a breathalizer
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
