I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
