Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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