how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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