The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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