call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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