If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My feet surprised me
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