last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize