so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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