At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
