4 words: hood of his car
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
