imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
