I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
