It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Someone signed my nipple.
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