I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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