i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
