I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
