I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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