Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize