So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
