i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
