We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize