I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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