i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We talked him into tasing himself.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
