I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
