I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
