Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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