We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
