yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
