Please, let me fuck your mom
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You ate ashes out of my bong
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