Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
