theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
