im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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