There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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