I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
