Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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