If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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