Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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