Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
