We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
