party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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