We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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