Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
