so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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