somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
