Me. At least after what I've been through.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
