he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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