Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
