i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
