we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Couch. On fire.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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