I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
