I molested 6 butterflies tonight
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
lol hangovers are for mortals.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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