Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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