I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
