So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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