Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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