his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
