dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
